called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
