Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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