I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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