The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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