youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
