she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
