Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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