She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
