I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
