3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
