We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The best revenge is premature balding
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
