There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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