soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
