he puts the penis in happiness.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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