I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
