Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
