Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
