she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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