im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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