someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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