i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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