Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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