He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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