Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
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I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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