My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
