everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
