Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
