eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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