Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
