At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
