It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
