I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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