I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
