Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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