Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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