If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
