he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
should my penis look like a turkey
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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