How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
