it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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