The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
