i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
