went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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