I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
