im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im holly from the hills drunk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
