remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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