I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize