wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What drink are we having for lunch?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
