I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
