well you can't waste a boner
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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