I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
