He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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