he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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