when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
