Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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