Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
