if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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