if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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