i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
