I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
