Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
