Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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