Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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