I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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