I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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