I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
