I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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