Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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