Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You are a booty call, not a friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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