Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
