Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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