Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
